Dear Curtis,

-------- Last year, I was adopted by my human who gave me a wonderful home. However, after a couple of months, she went into a hospital and during that time, while other people looked after me, I became a wild, misbehaving kitty. Though my human is back living with me and I feel loved, I’m more spoiled and basically control the household. I stalk, spit and hiss at visitors and I bite and claw whenever I feel like it. The vet says that I'm not socialized. Curtis, is there any help for me? Can I change and become a nice kitty? I'd like to make my human proud of me.

-------- Ellie Mae (AKA Predator)

Dear Ellie Mae,

-------- My sympathy to those who have to be in contact with you. Your letter suggests that prior to your human going into a hospital, you might have been a better behaving cat than you are now. If this is true, the “good kitty” is in your DNA, which makes your nasty self-centered feline behavior even more despicable since the only thing preventing you from being nice is YOU!

-------- Assuming your stalking, spitting, hissing, biting and clawing is in response to anxieties or insecurities caused by inconsistent care-giving and the loss of a wonderful home when your human was hospitalized, that is no longer the case and you now have the ability to modify your rotten defensive behavior. So….GET OVER IT! That you continue to act out implies you need a shrink and not a vet who, by the way, was kind in saying you’re not socialized. I’m not as kind.

-------- You say you want to make your human proud of you and then make her anything but proud. Now, ain’t that just like a cat?! You want to make her proud? Stop thinking just about yourself for a change! This isn’t about you. Be nice! Start acting like a dog!

-------- Curtis the Dog